Tuesday, November 1, 2011

What I Know About Canada…

…you could probably put on the head of a pin and still have room left over for a recipe for Yankee pot roast. I don’t say this with any pride. I say this with the jarring realization I may be ignorant about our neighbors.
In two days I leave for the first ever MuseItup Publishing Meet and Greet taking place in Montreal. It also coincides with a mammoth book fair where…gasp….2000 Canadians have been known to show up. So if I don’t want to come across like an idiot, I’d better get cracking on gathering some facts about Canada. Let’s see what I know:
First, it’s to the north. Scoff not. I’ll bet you if you asked a roomful of 7th graders, some of them wouldn’t know that. I like to take my points where I can get them.
Second, they have mounted policemen who always get their man. I know several female friends like that, but we’ll let that go for the moment. Moving on, these mounted policemen sing songs astride their trusty steeds in a gorgeous baritone voice and look like Nelson Eddy. Soooo not a bad look. Songs like “Give Me Some Men Who Are Stouthearted Men” and “When I’m Calling You” and others are thrown in here and there while rounding up the bad guys. I think it’s a diversionary tactic.
If you don’t believe me, hie thee to Netflix and rent “Rose Marie,” one of those oldie goldie movies, and you’ll see what I’m talking about. A bonus is you get a gorgeous Jeanette McDonald singing in E above birdcall and if I remember rightly, she does it while sitting in a canoe. Imagine the balance needed to do that and still hit those high notes. I was mightily impressed with Canadian womanhood.
Third and speaking of singing, their national anthem is “God Save The Queen.” You can also see mug shots of Queen Elizabeth II everywhere, as she is the titular monarch. I throw in the word ‘titular,’ just in case you still think I am ignorant. It has nothing to do with breasts.
Fourth, Canada owns the other side of Niagara Falls. All that water starts there and ends in upstate New York. Never once has Canada asked for their water back. This is a giving country.
Fifth – and even I’m becoming impressed by my vast knowledge of this country – many of them speak French. I think where I’m going, which is Montreal, touts French as their first language and English as the other white meat. I could be wrong about this but I’m on such a roll right now, we’ll say it’s true.
Well, I’m feeling better. Now if I could just figure out if I have to bring an adapter for the electrical current and if they accept the American dollar, I’ll be in business. And here I didn’t think I knew anything about Canada. How silly is that?

6 comments:

Cyrus Keith said...

And Lumberrjacks! don't forget big, hairy-chested lumberjacks who end every sentence with "A."

S.Durham said...

Heather, I'm glad to be in good company. I suspect the Canadians are more than happy to remain 'a mysterious entity' to the north of us big loud yanks', thanks for the morning laughs to go with my coffee:)

Sara

SJ Clarke said...

Heather. Thanks for the giggles.
Yup, we have mounted Mounties, and some of them probably do sing. lol

Our national anthem is actually O Canada though most everyone can sing God Save the Queen as well:)

And there will be plenty of english speakers in town. Can't wait to see you.

Heather Haven said...

Cyrus, is Canada where Paul Bunyun comes from?
Sara, glad to give you a laugh, altho, I think I get lots of points for knowing where Niagara Falls is.
Sandra, I knew that. I knew that. Actually, I didn't know that. So O Canada is the national anthem? Who how does it go? will you sing it for me where I get there? Gee, do you think I might not possibly know as much about Canada as I think? Naaaaw. I'm just getting carried away.

gail roughton branan said...

LOL! Thanks Heather! I needed that.

Joanne Elder said...

Heather, we're metric up here and it's so dark year round we work on a 30 hour a day clock. You'll have to download the Canadian Time Clock Algorithm to do an easy conversion. Some digital watches have it embedded in the software.
Looking forward to meeting you!
Joanne ELder