Presenting The Incomparable Ginger Simpson

They broke the mold when they made Ginger. She is one of the most versatile writers I know, plus one hulluva gal. And she's quite funny, too. See below if you don't believe me:

Resolutions, Smezolutions by Ginger Simpson
First, I’d like to thank Heather for allowing me to join the crew blogging on her site this month. Finding her friendship has been one of the highlights of becoming a Muse author, and I absolutely love her writing. BTW, I received no compensation for my endorsement of her. (smile)
Back to why I’m here. Some are probably blogging about the goals or resolutions they’ve made for 2012. That’s one habit I avoid since it never works for me. I simply set myself up to fail, then feel horrid about it. Take for instance the year I resolved not to eat candy. I was trying to lose weight of course and figured eliminating sweets would be most helpful. After two weeks of success, then failing when someone offered me a piece of See’s candy, I feel into a funk and went on an eating spree. After I came out of my sugar-induced coma, I’d gained seven pounds. So, you see why I don’t make resolutions. Oh shucks, maybe I’ll be a sport and try five this year I’m pretty sure I can I keep.
1. Don’t adopt a cat this year. (I dislike cats…or they dislike me.)
2. Turn down any offers to be a runway model. (Obviously, this shouldn’t be too tough.)
3. Don’t win the lottery. (I’m Caucasian and don’t buy tickets…this is a snap.)
4. Absolutely refuse contracts to race for Nascar. (Reasons too many to list.)
5. Don’t apply to be on Survivor. (I go crazy over one mosquito bite and hate bugs of any kind.)
Whew, that was hard, but feel certain I won’t break any of these resolutions. If I should, I’m pretty sure you’ll immediately be notified in newspaper headlines that might read something like this:
“Cat owner mauled to death after SPCA adoption.”
“Oldest and Fattest Woman to Stroll the Runway Makes Guinness Book of World Records.”
“White Woman Wins Lottery After Failing to Purchase a Ticket. Officials Suspicious.”
“Driver of Depends Car Causes Catastrophic Collision.”
“Oldest Survivor Player Airlifted to Mainland in Strait Jacket After Attacking Jeff Probst.”
Whew, I feel so much better since I’ve joined others who resolve to avoid pitfalls this year. Now, I can concentrate on my writing and either win the Nobel Peace Prize or write a NY Times best-selling novel. I’ve never been one to think outside the box.

You can keep tabs on my progress by following my website and blogs:
http://www.gingersimpson.com
http://mizging.blogspot.com
http://cowboykisses.blogspot.com